Put That Cookie Down!
by A Gay Elephant Named JohnLock
Summary: Austria was having an excellent day when terrorists show up to kidnap Hungary and harness the countries "secret powers", whatever they may be. A man named Arnold Schwarz- er, Smith, a generic Arnold Schwarzenegger-type hero, smashes through a window and into Austria's life. He must teach Austria to fight his own battles so he can save the woman he loves! Austria/Hungary. Hiatus.


**A/N: This may be the only time I will write an Austria story, and it's darn worth it. I got the idea from watching the Nostalgia Critic review Schwarzenegger movies. It's a perfect concept, right?! Yeah right!**

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This day was going well for Austria. Though cloudy and rainy on all accounts, he was spending time with his beloved Hungary ('beloved' generally because they were no longer married and weren't in the stages of dating). It was around ten in the morning and the two were playing chess (a game Austria loved, since the black and white pieces reminded him of a piano). Hungary was nearing checkmate, having taken away most of Austria's black pieces.

"Haha! Checkmate, Austria!" Hungary cried happily, grinning at him.

Austria was considering all his options for the king now surrounded by a queen, a knight, and a bishop. "Hold on, Hungary. It might not be checkmate. Let's see... can't move there, or anywhere on that row... and definitely not there because the knight will get me..."

"I won, I've already checked!"

Austria sighed softly. "Very well. I accept my defeat."

Accepting defeat was something Austria was very good at. He had lost many wars over the years of his existence. Prussia, the combined forces of Italy and France, Serbia, and the list went on. This never bothered him much, though. He was a pure-blooded aristocratic musician. War was not his _forte_, exactly. He was perfectly fine with that. Countries had stopped bullying him lately and it was nice just to deal with his own affairs instead of meddling with others'. He was happy.

"Do you want to play again?" Hungary asked happily.

"...no thank you. How about I play something for you on my piano. You know, for the sake of the old days."

Hungary blushed lightly and smiled shyly. "Of course, Austria."

"Thank you, my dear."

Austria left the well-furnished living room with the chess pieces and set still out on the table. Hungary paused for a moment to pick them up, but she decided against picking them up (deciding it was Austria's job as she no longer lived in his home) and followed after him. The piano room was only one door left of the living room. The doors to this room were constantly open, as were the curtains to let light leak through the windows. The sleek black grand piano was placed in the very center of the room, so the eye would automatically draw to it. Austria sat down on the piano bench (with Hungary standing behind him) and exhaled gently.

"What would you like to hear?"

"You... You want me to pick?" Hungary asked, almost startled. "Oh, I don't know... play something you like."

"I like many, many pieces of classical music, Hungary. It would be impossible to pick."

"Just play something that... reminds you of me."

Austria blushed and thought of what piece of music reminded him best of her. Fur Elise? No, that would be much too easy. Hm... maybe he could surprise her. He played a melody that Hungary had never heard before. She frowned, trying to figure out whether she knew what it was, but she could not. It was beautiful, though. Most definitely so. After he'd finished three minutes later, she immediately asked, "What was that? I've never heard it before!"

"It's, ah, something I wrote myself very recently for you."

"Oh, Austria!"

Hungary hugged him from behind very tightly. Austria tensed from surprise, but relaxed very quickly. He patted one of her hands.

"I'm glad you like it, my dear."

"I _love_ it."

She kissed his cheek and giggled a bit. Austria turned around on the bench, smiling very gently.

"Would you like something sweet to snack on?"

"Oh, yes, actually."

"I've baked a torte this morning. I shall bring you a slice. Oh, and I've always baked some sugar cookies. Would you care for one as well?"

"Yes. Thank you, Austria."

Hungary smiled wide and Austria stood up and left the room. The kitchen was just down the hall that the piano room opened into. The kitchen was completely clean and the torte was contained in a glass container and the cookies in a jar. He took a plate out of the cupboard and cut a nicely sized slice of the torte and two cookies. Austria took a cookie (having already eaten a slice of the torte earlier) out for himself. That's when he heard glass smashing. Austria frowned. Perhaps she smashed a vase in the piano room.

"Hungary?" he called loudly. "What happened? Hungary?"

No response. That's when someone smashed through the window in the kitchen.

"PUT THAT COOKIE DOWN!"

The man's Austrian accent was thick and deep. He slapped the cookie out of Austria's hand. The cookie exploded violently when it hit the floor. Austria turned to the man, frightened. The man was very tall with short brown hair, had sunglass on and had several different guns and grenades strapped to his vest. He was scowling.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" he asked sheepishly.

"I was chasing terrorist to this home. They have taken your girlfriend."

"Terrorists? What?"

"Yes! The terrorists have discovered the existence of countries and wish to harness their powers!"

"What powers?"

"The secret powers they hold!"

"Like what?"

"Immortality!"

"We're not immortal-"

"There's no time to explain anything else! We must go!"

"Well- Well you can!"

The man scowled further. "Why won't you come?"

"I don't fight.. I don't stand a chance against these _terrorists_."

"We do not have time for this! We must go!"

The man grabbed Austria and slung him over his shoulder. He jumped out the second window in the kitchen and landed on his feet without any glass shards on either of them. The man began to run across Austria's yard, going around the back.

"There's a door, you know!"

"When you're a professional bad guy killer, there are no such things as doors."

"Professional...?" Austria frowned. "Who are you?"

"I am Arnold Smith."

"Ar-Arnold Smith? Don't you mean Schwarz-"

"Shh! You want this story removed because it has real people in it?"

"Story? Wha- Anways, you're a famous action star!"

"No, I am a professional bad guy killer. Didn't you hear me? You're going to larn to be a professional bad guy killer like me."

Austria started kicking at Arnold angrily. "Let me down! You are not dragging me into this!"

Arnold set Austria down on the ground. He removed his sunglasses. "You are Austria and I am Austrian. I need the help of my country to defeat the terrorists."

"I'm weak, all right?" Austria hissed. "I can't fight! My history has proven that!"

"I'm here to change history. I will train you."

"Train? There's not enough time in the world! We need to save Hungary!"

"You need to save her. The fate of the world rest in your hands."

"The world? You are kidding, right?"

Arnold shook his head. "No. I am serious about this. You must learn to fight. It will give me strength."

"How do you figure?"

"I just do! It's a feeling I have!"

"It's ridiculous, that's what it is!"

Arnold grabbed the front of Austria's purple coat. He glared at Austria angrily and hissed, "You must learn to defend yourself, for when your protection is gone you will be defeated always. It's to save your girlfriend Hungary."

"She's not my girlfriend."

"It's to save your wife. Don't you love her?"

"Of... Of course I do."

"Then learn to fight for her. I am the master of action. You will learn quickly."

Austria did not answer immediately. This was a tough choice. He loved Hungary and he wanted to save her, but could he really do it? Could he really be strong, like her? He could never be Arnold Schwar- er, Smith, but the ability to protect himself and people he cared about is what he needed. Austria sighed heavily. "Train me, sir."

Arnold smiled very faintly. "Good. Let's start now."

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**A/N: Exposition has been laid out! Will Austria save Hungary and become awesome like Arnold, or will he fail horribly? Only time will tell!**

**And yes, Arnold is technically a fictional character. You the know the Arnold forumla: scowl, kill people with guns, jumping through glass stuff without getting hurt. He's essentially what the man plays in Commando, Total Recall, The Terminator, and a crap ton of other stuff.**


End file.
